Yuri and the Talk
by Merciless Angels Never Cry
Summary: A very good reason as to why you should never allow Yuri to mind two very inquisitive young children...


**Author's Note: **Hello again!:) I got this idea from an ad promoting, insurance. Don't ask, trust me…it's better to just watch the ad rather than have me explain it. My Secret Valentine, you'll know what I'm on about. As for the rest of ye, I hope ye enjoy this! xxx

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><p>Yuri sat back on the dilapidated couch, his arms slung lazily on the back of it as he crossed his legs. His head was thrown back as he closed his eyes, half-listening to what the others were saying.<p>

'You sure you're going to be alright…?' Alice asked, putting her coat on. All she got was a sluggish "yeah". She nodded, went out the entrance of the London Rats along with the others. They were going to an old abandoned building that was haunted, but they needed someone to look after Joshua and Shannon. Chris wanted to, but she had to go out and find food.

Alice offered, but Zhuzhen quickly objected to the idea. The building that they were going to, apparently, was possessed by evil spirits and Zhuzhen said that he might need her in case they needed to perform an exorcism.

Koudelka wanted to come because she wanted to help Halley develop his abilities. She was growing more concerned for her son's unstable condition, considering the upcoming battle that the group was about to face. She didn't want him to lose control during the fight, so she was going to help him to the best of her abilities.

As for Margarete, she just went along for the hell of it. Keith went along in case they needed someone to go by unnoticed.

The reason why Yuri didn't go…? Unlike the others, he was loud, clumsy, clueless, had no sense of direction and had a tendency of ruining any plans that were carefully planned out, the list could go on….

But there was one main problem about the place they were going to; it was an old abandoned brothel. If they were to bring his horny-self along, he would most definitely crack up some perverted joke and get himself distracted (which didn't take much), leading to the rest of the group to try and save him. Sure, he could use Fusion, but if Yuri saw something with a pair of well-proportioned breasts and had legs, he tended to forget the reason why they had gone in the first place.

Of course, he loved Alice. She was the only woman who had made him feel the way he did for her. But Yuri was a man. And like other men, he couldn't help but stare at anything that jiggled when they moved. He had brains to burn but they were just too thick to light. Far too thick…

Yuri got more comfortable as Alice said good-bye and heard the click of the door. Even though Yuri had his eyes shut, he could sense that someone was watching him. He opened one eye and was shocked at the two round, innocent faces that were just centimetres from his own. He yelped and jolted upright, startling the two kids. He hadn't even noticed them coming up to him. 'What's with you guys?' Yuri grumbled, scratching the back of his head, his wild locks of hair shaking slightly.

Joshua blinked, his nose running slightly, 'What are we gonna do…?'

'I dunno,' Yuri yawned, sitting back and reverting back to his previous position. 'What do ya wanna do…?'

Shannon smiled brightly, her eyes shining. 'Can you read us a story?'

'Wha?' Yuri exclaimed, giving them a "what the fuck" look. 'No way! Don't ya have toys of something? Look, play with these and off you go!' He gave them two stuffed, worn down bunny rabbits that were on the couch and motioned them towards the rug in the middle of the room. They took the bunnies and ran off to sit on the dirty rug, happily playing away with them.

Yuri smiled and gave out a satisfied sigh. He didn't know why he couldn't go, no one would tell him. Why did he get stuck with these two instead of beating some poor demon to a pulp. He slouched back on the couch, his hands lacing together at the back of his head. He once again closed his eyes as he remembered the other night when he saw Alice and Margarete undress. He was up on a tree, thinking he was safe from view until he leaned in closer to get a better look at the voluptuous figures and accidently lost his footing. He didn't fall, he grabbed onto a nearby branch but yelled out "shit" during the process.

Margarete was the one who opened the window and gave him a sultry look, threatening to kill him if he ever did it again. Alice screamed, her face going beet red as she tried to cover her body. A suggestive smile creeped up on his face as he remembered the sight. Too bad they only got to their bra and underwear, he thought to himself.

Yuri frowned as he felt something tug his coat. 'Yeah?' he asked, not budging.

'Um Yuri,' Joshua spoke, his voice radiating pure innocence. 'Where do bunnies come from…?'

Yuri's eyes snapped open as he quickly sat up and stared at the two. 'Wha?' he said, his jaw hanging. 'You wanna know where bunnies come from eh…?' He grinned as the two nodded enthusiastically. 'Ever heard of sex…?'

The two shook their heads. Yuri's grin became wider, this could be fun… 'Well, when a man and a woman wanna make babies, they f- have sex.' Yuri mentally slapped himself for almost saying the f word. Koudelka would skin his arse if he used that.

'But what is sex?' Shannon asked.

'Well,' Yuri turned to Joshua. 'Your mickey goes hard.' The two looked confused but asked Yuri to go on. 'Then you put it inside her.' Joshua looked disgusted, Yuri asked him why.

The small boy played with his shirt nervously, 'I don't like cider.'

'Huh?'

'I said I don't like cider…it's the apples…'

Yuri was baffled, shaking his head. 'No you put it INSIDE HER!' Emphasising, with his hands, as to where to put it. The two almost threw up.

Then Joshua looked horrified. 'It comes off…?'

'What comes off?'

'My mickey! Does it come off?'

'Wha? NO!' Yuri shouted, exasperated. Imagining that he thought that you just whip the penis off and wave it at the girl like some weird perv. This was giving him more trouble than what it was worth. He decided to explain, thoroughly, what the ins and outs of sex were.

Yuri hadn't noticed the time. Unfortunately, Alice and Koudelka opened the door just when Yuri said, 'And that's why they say, breeding like rabbits!' The two young children looked traumatized, their faces pale. Alice and Koudelka were mortified, they knew he was bad, but they didn't think that he would actually give them the talk!

Yuri got a harsh whack of Alice's Bible. 'Why did you give them the talk?' Alice exclaimed, ignoring the fool howl in agony, rubbing his head.

'They asked!' he yelped, shielding himself for anymore possible beatings from the heavy bible.

'THEY'RE SIX!' Koudelka shouted, hugging the poor, teary-eyed children.

'Bite me!' Yuri growled. He started to scream as Koudelka summoned up a lightning spell and struck Yuri with it.

Alice shook her head. He was like a nine year old trapped in a man's body. It would be cute if it wasn't so annoying. Then again, they shouldn't have left him to mind them…

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>God I love Yuri!X3 Please review! xxxxx


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